After years of wanting to be cremated after I die, with my ashes spread about somewhere of significance to me (past areas have included underneath the tyres of a hot rod driven by satan mid-burnout, a volcano filled with alligators that are obviously so intense that they can live inside of a volcano [FUCKING LAVAGATORS], and a duck), I have decided that I would like a proper funeral and burial with a funeral mass that will be sure to bore the jerks that are attending. If you are a jerk attending my funeral and find yourself bored then you undoubtedly deserve it!! I'll be dead for crying out loud so if you don't like it get the fuck out!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a ***BINDING DOCUMENT*** it has legal powers, and possibly supernatural ones (if you find yourself levitating in your bed at midnight my theory will be proven and you will be scared unless you are a ghost in which case you levitate 24/7 anyway what the fuck are you doing floating on a bed go to the mall or something??????).
In other news I'm an idiot and I wish I didn't screw things up with people (read: Kat) so much.